A Cthulhu Christmas

I caught this on Chaosium's Cthluhu mailing list this morning, and I just had to share it with the rest of the world.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the train Not a creature was stirring, save Blackadder in pain. The shotguns were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that Cthulhu soon would be there. The investigators were nestled all snug in their bunks, Arm, chest and leg packed away safely in trunks. And Betty in her kerchief, and Higgins in his cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap - When out in the lounge there arose such a clatter We all sprang from our beds to see what was the matter. Reggie tripped over Baldrick with his usual panache, Tommy fell onto William who threw up in the trash. Blackadder burst into the room and started to shout, fell over the trunk and knocked himself out. When what sight to our wondering eyes should bring but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny squidling. With a cephalapod driver so slimey and blue, we knew in a moment it must be Cthulhu! More rapid than Elders his spawn as they came, and he squealed and screeched and called them by name. "Now, Basher! now, Rancid! now, Cancer and Xixen! On, Vomit! on, Putrid! on, Spawner and Blitzen! - To the end of the train, spread your horror and fright, do it quickly and well or no manflesh tonight!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky, So down to the train the squidlings they oozed, With a sleigh full of Deep Ones - all part of the ruse. And then, in a twinkling, as we witnessed this spectacle, we heard the slithering and sucking of each tiny tentacle. As Blackadder sat up and William gave a huge belch Down the chimney Cthulhu came with a squelch: He was covered all in slime in his eye an evil wink, And his tentacles all covered with ashes and ink. A bundle of lawn gnomes he had flung on his back, And he looked like Hell's Peddler just opening his sack. His scales, how they glistened! his eyes, how merry! His cheeks were all rotten his nose grey and hairy; His cavernous mouth was draw up like a bow, and the blood on his chin had an unholy glow. The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth, And the blood, it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a big moldy belly That shook, when he laughed, like a boat full of jelly. He was laughing and screeching - a right jolly old squid: And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of my dread; A wink of an eye, and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know we might soon all be dead. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings with the Lad, Lass and Turk. Then, curling a tentacle around Baldrick's nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. He metamorphed in his sleigh, to his spawn gave a shriek, And away they all went with an ungodly reek. But I heard him exclaim, ere they oozed out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"